.

Love.
It comes to you in many different ways, different types and you often get a different kind of feeling especially when you're in love with different people.

At the start of my relationship with J, i've asked myself this question countless of times "Do i really love him? Why is this feeling so different from what i had with S?" But of course, it took me soon enough to realise the difference. What i had with S, it was an obsession that tore me apart. An obsession of wanting his love so much that I've lost myself along the way. Maybe its him, maybe its me or maybe its just us, that very relationship was fated to be doomed the very night i said yes. I was madly in love and yes, i doubt i'll love anyone like i've loved S ever again. That love was too draining, it sucked most of me and whatever i had left was that hollow empty shell. It was irresistible, strong yet unhealthy.

This love for J, it came a little milder. It isn't that i don't love him as much, i guess i've learnt how to hold back a little love for myself. I've learnt to love myself before i could give J all that i have. J makes me happy, much happier. I go to bed everyday these past few months with a smile on face and wake up hearing his voice or seeing his messages because he makes it a point to end and begin each day with each other.(That, makes every single girl out there feel appreciated and it just shows he really do care about you) I don't have to fight for his attention like i did with S because his attention will always be on be. Despite having a part-time job, completing his degree and building up his very own business all at once, he makes it a point to never neglect me. And that, i am really grateful. I'm still a little needy here and there but i don't go crazy and start feeling a thousand insecure shit thoughts inside my head if i see him on whatsapp but he's not replying me or him not replying me ASAP. I guess i can only say J gives me security. He gives me enough love and tender care to secure my fragile heart yet gives me enough space to grow as a woman. I cannot be more thankful for that.

Its true how people always say that feelings isn't everything. Some people may be suitable for you and will bring out the best in you and the unsuitable ones will only bring out the worst in you.

S once told me that i will, one fine day, thank him for letting me go because he knows its for the best. I'm gonna thank him not for that but for leaving me at my most vulnerable and leaving me to fend for myself despite my pleas then to not do that. All that he has done made me more appreciative of everything J has done/is doing.

And this love i have with J, its fitting and it makes me feel whole.


Love,
Yi Ling x

Bintan'14

Went for a short 2D1N trip with the bimbo and it was such a relaxing one. Really enjoyed myself there :)

All the water sports we played was definitely worth getting tanned for and stupid conversations we had throughout was what i really enjoyed. Yay to more trips like this :)

Now lets just let the pictures do the talking :))

Love,
Yi Ling x.

" I never meant to be clingy, emotional dependent or an emotional burden. I just had so much to give. " - Me

This says it all, all that i've tried expressing :
http://thoughtcatalog.com/kate-emily/2014/06/to-the-girls-who-are-emotionally-high-maintenance/


Love,
Yi Ling x.

R.E.M.I.N.D.E.R.

This post is a reminder for myself to NEVER EVER (I REPEAT) N.E.V.E.R E.V.E.R bottoms up a single shot. Period.

No idiot(except for me) in this world ever gets a jab within the 2nd hour after downing a toast shot and having to cancel her first ever trip with her bff the next day. MAXIMUM GUILT PLUS ITCHINESS PLUS PAIN(BOTH SKIN & MONEY BECAUSE NO REFUND) 24/7 IS NO JOKE T.T

SIGH X101010101010101010101010 T.T

SO I REPEAT : FUTURE SNG YI LING YOU BETTER NOT DRINK ANYMORE EVEN IF ITS JUST A STUPID SHOT OKAY YOU DUMBDUMB NO MORE YOU HEAR ME !!!!!!!!!! :(


Love,
Yi Ling x.

Updates

Been so so so busy these few weeks i don't even have the time for much rest. It was crazy too. Did lots of things i wouldn't normally do. Been catching only about an average of 6 hours of sleep a day and for anyone who knows me, will know that that is a RIDICULOUSLY little amount of sleep. Butttttt today, i slept for 18 hours straight heehee ^^ Shows how tired i was.

Hongkong this time was really good because my bestf came along and i made a new friend there. Coffee sure do bring people together :) Too many pictures to upload but i am really happy SJ came along this time THANK YOU IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS. <3

Oh and can i add how freaked out i am by how well my cousin knows me!?!?!?!?!?!?!? :O There were little traces(or none) of evidence but she still managed to find out about something. Something i've been hiding to myself for about 9 months. Sigh family i say <3

Oh oh and one more, I THINK BUTTER FACTORY IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ZOUK HELLO????? Hahaha okay just me being biased. Prefer the atmosphere/music/people there :) 

Alright, its BBQ with the Yahava-ians at my place tml and then Bintan on Wednesday heehee. I love my life ^^ 

Goodbye earthlings, for now :)

Love,

Yi Ling x. 

Maybe, just maybe, i've already been waiting all along.

The 3 Biggest Risks You Take When You Let Someone You Love Go

Some relationships are clear failures. We’ve all dated at least one individual (more likely, several) whom we had absolutely no difficulty kicking to the curb. The dating game is a tough one, filled with a lot of sh*tty people. Well, sh*tty may be a bit harsh. Sure, some are definitely confused and lazy, but even out of the many great people whom we date throughout our lives, nearly none work out.

It’s difficult finding someone who feels just right, but I don’t need to tell you that. You surely have already come to the same conclusion yourselves. Because when we find someone we fall for and it ends up not working out, the decision to let that person go can be a near-impossible one to make.

You loved this person – that much you know. But what you feel for him or her at the moment is… confusing. Things have gotten comfortable and you seem to be losing your enthusiasm. You’re not sure if you should stick it out or if you should call it quits. A word of advice: If you’re going to decide to cut this person loose, be sure that is exactly what is best for you.

Don’t get lost in all the emotion and confusion. All decisions in life, especially the monumental ones, need to be made with a clear mind. Otherwise, you’re risking making choices that you’ll one day regret.

I find it best to check the risks of any outcome before approaching the benefits – benefits are easy to find and can have you overlook the severity of the risks. Letting go of a person you once loved comes with three major risks:

1. Although you may not appreciate what you have now, it doesn’t mean you never will.

It is possible that one day you will come to realize what exactly it is that you threw away? It’s not so much that you will realize how beautiful that person is, how intelligent and funny he or she is. It’s not that you’ll realize the amazing person that person is, nor how well he or she treated you.

What you’ll realize is the importance of having someone special in your life. It’s difficult to understand how important having a partner in life really is when you’re younger. In this day and age, especially in first world countries, we’re sheltered from many needs until we are older.

We’re spoiled and handed most things on a silver platter. Life is easy for a very large amount of people in the world. Great, right? Sure, except that eventually everyone finds him or herself on his or her own. Only when you are alone do you realize how critical it is to have someone else on your side supporting you.

The next thing you realize is how difficult it is to find an individual willing to have your back the way you need someone to have your back. Once you learn to appreciate this, your eyes open up and you begin to understand what you had and what you threw away. Of course, this could go the other way and make it clear that what you had wasn’t what you needed. They call it a risk for a reason.

2. The person he or she is now doesn’t necessarily define the person that he or she will one day be.

The person we are now influences the person that we will be. However, we all change over time and even though the person we will one day be could not exist without the person we are now, that is not to say that both versions of us are not near opposites. Not all people change, but those who change noticeably over time, change significantly.

As we learn over time, we reevaluate our opinions and theories; we begin to understand that some things that we once believed to be of great importance are, in reality, trivial. We begin to understand the world in a new, better-informed way and our thought patterns change.

As the way we think changes, we ourselves change. These novel ideas begin to shape the way we grow as individuals. While I understand that is impossible for us to foresee the type of person our lover will become, we can nevertheless calculate the possibilities of different futures coming to transpire.

Everything and anything is possible, but each possibility has an associated chance of coming to be – some things are intrinsically more likely to happen than are others.

If you’re going to be giving up on something then you should try to understand, to the best of your ability, what exactly it is that you’re giving up – present and future. If you’re thinking that this sounds too complicated, then consider the fact that nothing in life is simple. Why would any answer be?

3. There is always a possibility that you’ll never find someone better.

I’m not saying that this is the right way of thinking, but it is a risk. And, therefore, a possible reality. Even if you’re likely to find someone better, it doesn’t guarantee that you will. I’m sorry, but it’s true. It’s really all a numbers game in the end. The majority of lovers you have in life will be easy to improve. Upgrade even. But there do come those that you worry won’t be replaceable.

Human beings judge all their experiences by comparison. We judge how much we value something we have or are experiencing in the moment with previous versions of a similar nature. When we are considering giving up on the best person we’ve ever been with, it’s easy to imagine that person being the ceiling. We don’t know if there is better. We often assume there is. We always hope there is.

But the fact is that there isn’t always – it’s an illogical possibility for it to be so. Even if there were someone “better” out there, you still have to calculate the likeliness of the two of you meeting and hitting it off. The person you are giving up on may be a necessary step in your journey, but that person may also be the best you will ever do.

Love,

Yi Ling x

Article from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/the-3-biggest-risks-you-take-when-you-let-someone-you-love-go/625187/

Its getting harder to control these days

曖昧讓人受盡委屈
找不到相愛的證據
何時該前進　何時該放棄
連擁抱都沒有勇氣

只能陪你到這裡
畢竟有些事不可以
超過了友情　還不到愛情
遠方就要下雨的風景

到底該不該哭泣
想太多是我還是你
我很不服氣　也開始懷疑
眼前的人　是不是同一個真實的你

曖昧讓人受盡委屈
找不到相愛的證據
何時該前進　何時該放棄
連擁抱都沒有勇氣

曖昧讓人變得貪心
直到等待失去意義
無奈我和你　寫不出結局
放遺憾的美麗　停在這裡

HOW NOW BROWN COWWWWWW :/

Love,

Yi Ling x 

And today, i've decided to be strong.

Sending that text wasn't me telling him how much i was still caught up in him. In fact, it is me letting myself go. It wasn't as what J said about how that text shows how much i'm still not over him etc. In fact, i felt a shitload better after sending it and sometimes, it isn't that hard forgiving someone. It takes courage and strength to overlook your own pain.

I know i will be fine. In fact, i am already feeling better :)


Love,
Yi Ling x

梁静茹 - 可惜不是你

这一刻 突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天 今天同时在放映
我这句语气 原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据
差一点 骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己
努力为你改变
却变不了 预留的浮现
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
那一段 我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权力关心你
可能你 已走进别人风景
多希望 也有 星光的投影
努力为你改变
却变不了 预留的浮现
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口

Says it all i guess. 
Life is only gonna get better :)

T.I.R.E.D

Fun night with the happy bunch last night :) From singing K to impromptu supper treat from officer Chuah and mahjiong at my place till 7am.

And the terror started at 11am. Had to wake up then for work all the way till 7. I was literally a walking dead T.T 

Okay and i realised i have the bitchy tendency in me lurking somewhere deep inside HAHAHA. Was looking at waffles machine after work today at Best when this phone beside the machine rang. It rang for a long while and obviously, angst me wasn't very happy. So without a second thought, i picked up the phone and slammed it back down immediately without realising the salesman was already walking over to answer it HAHAHAHA. 

Okay i'm really DRAINED. Time for a bath and head to bed soon ^^ Good day to everyone out there :)

Love,

Yi Ling x

Lousy

Here to rant.
Been at least 6 weeks since i last cried but i did today. All the anger, unhappiness and bottling up came bursting out today. Why? Because i quarrelled with my dad. Hate quarrelling with my loved ones. Even though i am supposed to be pissed, i just ended up crying. Its always the same, in my past two relationships too. It isn't that i meant to cry but tears just come falling down and i can't do anything to control lol. A way to say i'm upset i guess.

Just hoping for the best. Really wanna go overseas with my pals :'(


Love,
Yi Ling x

:')

I am really really happy today. Met up with the BFF and we literally rot the whole day away at the airport. Basically, our day was just eat - slack - walk - eat - eat - slack - walk. Hahaha love you to bits Teresa :-* Also, Ronald joined us for dinner and as usual, what a funny person to laugh at HAHAHA. I miss Chung Cheng so so so much :(

Our yummylicious dinner at Itacho Sushi and dessert at Coffee Club. Will never look at sushi in the same way after having sushis from this joint. What is Sakae? What is Sushi Tei? Haha.

Hello Ronald! Stop being so awkward so you can finally find a girlfriend.

Love,
Yi Ling x



I, really think I'm moving on. It scares me to say this but I really am happy, very happy on my own with people I love.

Embrace the new found freedom

Life has been good to me, always had. 

The privileges i get far exceed many around me and i am really grateful and appreciative. The smile on my face is getting more genuine as days go by and its getting more frequent, like how it used to be. 

I am starting to embrace the freedom i get as an unattached, single lady. Haha don't misunderstand me, by that, i don't mean being a thrashy loose cheap woman. By that, i mean i'm starting to enjoy the freedom i don't get when i was with S. 

That feeling came to me only recently, after that late night out singing K and playing mahjiong with the usuals, nothing harmful i can say even when you're attached. But S just didn't seem to like me doing all those. 

Now, i get to enjoy being wooed by some random guy from the cafe, i get to sleep at any time i wish, i get to go crazy hearing SHINee's new song, i get to talk to friends i love and most importantly, i get  to be happy on my own. 

I don't have to wait for anyone for food, i don't have to sleep only when someone sleeps, i don't have to cut back on so many so many things i love to do but i can't, i don't have to cry myself to sleep almost every night, i don't have to worry and always be wary, thinking when the "break up" word will appear again, i don't have to stress myself out on how i can please him and not be annoying. 

I love my life so much now. There isn't the kind of exhilarating happiness or excitement that i had but at least i don't have to cry almost every other day and be upset all the time. I seriously think being upset is very bad for health, don't you think so? 

It took me a long while after A to realised things and move on properly. But lucky me figured things out much earlier this time and moving on came to me a tad earlier than before :) 

Memories will only be a reminder and a learning lesson when you're moving on.

 S still appears now and then, maybe when i see a cookie flavour called honey bunny or maybe even some stupid sperrys boat shoes but memories are memories, its a mark telling you how someone was once in your life. I no longer wish for him to be back anymore, i no longer feel the ache every time i think of us and most importantly, i'm starting to look at people. I'm starting to be interested in guys again? Hahaha its true, i never once think of any guy in the romantic way when i was with S and that was for 2 whole years i may say. I can't even be bothered to talk to anyone other than him. At least i'm allowing people to show their interest in me now and its such a huge step for me :)

I'm just glad this lesson came to me when i'm still young and still have the energy and strength to make a comeback quick. It was a painful fall and it hurts so so so badly. But i'm starting to gather the pieces back and stand up strong! :)

Also, i can't wait to fall in love again. Like in love kind of in love. The hopelessly devoted kind *sigh (yes i'm a hopeless romantic) I have so much love to give and so much of me to offer so whoever is my prince charming, please come ride your white horse as fast as possible because i'm waiting *waves

Love,

Yi Ling x 

Late night thoughts

Its funny how when you have someone beside you, it seems like things will never work out. But when that someone leaves, you'll be left alone reminiscing all good that was left behind and forgetting every single reason why it didn't work out.

We often blame everything/everyone we could think of - your friends, my friends, time, place, situations, you or even me myself etc. But were we meant for each other in the first place? What if things didn't work out for a much better reason?

I think of you everyday. Its like you never leave my mind for a single sec, often lingering at one corner waiting for any opportunity to give me a little knock inside saying " Hey remember me? I'm your ex-boyfriend, the one you can't seem to get over no matter what. " And that, really sucks lol.

But oh wells, life goes on. I can't stay hung up on you and stay stagnant in life while everyone around me advance much quickly than i do. We've come to a stage whereby nothing can be changed, undone or reversed. I need to get my life back on track and the first step to doing so will be kicking that annoying voice of yours out of my head and start being me, happy me.

Love,

Yi Ling

An iced cold latte to combat the heat

Such beautiful sight 😍
Tell me who doesn't love coffee: )


Love,
Yi Ling x

HI ZHENGHAO CAN YOU STILL SEE THIS?

Had an embarrassing moment all because i am an IT noob. T.T

Love,
Yi Ling x

Its been awhile.

Hi there.

Its been 5 years since i last pended down my thoughts on a platform like this. I miss writing about everything that is happening in my life, i miss being able to express myself on my own space and i miss everything about having a blog.

And to why i'm starting to write again is because i recently came across a blog i had when i was 15. It held so much memories of mine and it shows how much i've grown as a person. It's nice looking back and reminiscing about the lost days :) So here i am, starting this diary journey of mine again :)

Okay so i had school from 3-5 today. My new PMKT tutor is really nice and i like her a lot. It makes me wanna work hard even more for this stupid module that i have to retake haha. The weather these few weeks is MADNESS. I hate how warm it is. Can Singapore snow already?:(


Love.
Yi Ling x