The privileges i get far exceed many around me and i am really grateful and appreciative. The smile on my face is getting more genuine as days go by and its getting more frequent, like how it used to be.
I am starting to embrace the freedom i get as an unattached, single lady. Haha don't misunderstand me, by that, i don't mean being a thrashy loose cheap woman. By that, i mean i'm starting to enjoy the freedom i don't get when i was with S.
That feeling came to me only recently, after that late night out singing K and playing mahjiong with the usuals, nothing harmful i can say even when you're attached. But S just didn't seem to like me doing all those.
Now, i get to enjoy being wooed by some random guy from the cafe, i get to sleep at any time i wish, i get to go crazy hearing SHINee's new song, i get to talk to friends i love and most importantly, i get to be happy on my own.
I don't have to wait for anyone for food, i don't have to sleep only when someone sleeps, i don't have to cut back on so many so many things i love to do but i can't, i don't have to cry myself to sleep almost every night, i don't have to worry and always be wary, thinking when the "break up" word will appear again, i don't have to stress myself out on how i can please him and not be annoying.
I love my life so much now. There isn't the kind of exhilarating happiness or excitement that i had but at least i don't have to cry almost every other day and be upset all the time. I seriously think being upset is very bad for health, don't you think so?
It took me a long while after A to realised things and move on properly. But lucky me figured things out much earlier this time and moving on came to me a tad earlier than before :)
Memories will only be a reminder and a learning lesson when you're moving on.
S still appears now and then, maybe when i see a cookie flavour called honey bunny or maybe even some stupid sperrys boat shoes but memories are memories, its a mark telling you how someone was once in your life. I no longer wish for him to be back anymore, i no longer feel the ache every time i think of us and most importantly, i'm starting to look at people. I'm starting to be interested in guys again? Hahaha its true, i never once think of any guy in the romantic way when i was with S and that was for 2 whole years i may say. I can't even be bothered to talk to anyone other than him. At least i'm allowing people to show their interest in me now and its such a huge step for me :)
I'm just glad this lesson came to me when i'm still young and still have the energy and strength to make a comeback quick. It was a painful fall and it hurts so so so badly. But i'm starting to gather the pieces back and stand up strong! :)
Also, i can't wait to fall in love again. Like in love kind of in love. The hopelessly devoted kind *sigh (yes i'm a hopeless romantic) I have so much love to give and so much of me to offer so whoever is my prince charming, please come ride your white horse as fast as possible because i'm waiting *waves
Love,
Yi Ling x
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